November PAD Chapbook Challenge 2019: Day 22

Image by Kim Shaftner from Pixabay

The frisky and fun Form poem won yesterday's Battle of the Also-Rans. Today's also-ran quarterfinals pits our awful cosmic aerobics instructor against the antonym poem Loved and Despised. Which would you rather find in your Christmas stocking?

Happy Holidays to anyone reading this, and PLEASE PARTICIPATE! All you need to do is tell me which poem you like best.

Poem #10
Tyranny of Perfection

so I got to thinking
what if Death 
isn't a grim dude in a black hood
but is instead
an annoyingly perfect and perfectionistic
aerobics instructor
who chirps at you
that it's time to do your cardi-oh-oh
and when you do those leg lifts
you've gotta squeeze those glutes
because if you don't squeeze 'em
no-one else will
and I kind of got to thinking
what if I don't want my life
to revolve around whether or not
some dudebro wants to
play grab-ass with me
and then that chipper death
chirped at me that I
need to mind my carbs and calories
because fat is the very worst thing
that a person can possibly be
and then I got to thinking
that maybe that's not true
that in fact the worst thing a person
can possibly be
is a sanctimonious twat
who refuses to respect
other people's lives and conditions and preferences
and bodily autonomy
and who really can just fuck off
and then I got to wondering 
if maybe that's the way Death works
is by annoying people to death
by making them fight all day every day
with vicious inner voices
that tell them they're no good
because they have dimpled thighs
or chunky butts
or saggy boobs
or tummy rolls
or they just aren't perky-werky enough
and then I got to thinking 
that maybe what happens
is people get tired 
of hearing Death's annoying voice
bleating at them to get up and at 'em
because nobody who isn't perfect
deserves to have a life
and so they smash the snooze bar
on their internal clock
one too many times
in an attempt to shut the annoying bitch up
once and for all


Poem #19
Loved and Despised

Admirable - Awful
Beautiful - Boorish
Compassionate - Cruel
Darling - Deplorable
Enlightened - Egocentric
Fantastic - Foul
Genuine - Gruesome
Heavenly - Hellish
Innocent - Irredeemable
Just - Jealous
Keen - Kinky
Lovable - Loathsome
Marvelous - Malevolent
Noble - Nasty
Obliging - Oligarch
Pure - Pretentious
Quaint - Quarrelsome
Resourceful - Ruthless
Sagacious - Sadistic
Tender - Terrible
Unaffected - Unjust
Valiant - Vile
Warm - Wicked
Xenial - Xenophobic
Yielding - Yellowblooded
Zany - Zealot

1 comment:

  1. The first - even if a Death like that one would make to strive to live forever.
    A thought which ordinarily fills me with horror.


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