Insecure Writer's Support Group December 2019 Featuring Billy the Saw Puppet

"Let's play a game, Cie"
"No! I don't want to!"

December 4 question - Let's play a game. Imagine. Role-play. How would you describe your future writer self, your life and what it looks and feels like if you were living the dream? Or if you are already there, what does it look and feel like? Tell the rest of us. What would you change or improve?

Well, you had to go open the can of worms, and now I can't get Billy the Jigsaw Puppet riding on his tricycle out of my head. I'm honestly not a fan of the Saw movies, but I do like this creepy-ass puppet for some reason.

If I were in high school, I'd probably think this was a really great question. As someone who's already halfway through their life and has had a number of hard knocks in the past five years, I kind of want to make it into a paper airplane and throw it out the nearest window. 

I always hated the "what are your goals for the next five years" interview question too. The answer to that one was secretly: "hopefully to have moved on from working here, but I need a job now." 

Really, yer killing me here. I'll be 55 years old in two months and eleven days. I have a lot of health problems. I have no idea how much different Future Writer Me will be from present me. She might well be ashes in an urn. If I'm still alive, I hope that I'll find an audience for my work, but, realistically, I probably won't. 

I don't like to do the creative visualization thing of imagining I'm living the dream because it tends to make my heart hurt. I don't even know what the dream is. I hope I'll still be alive except for those times when I'm so depressed that I wish I was dead. That's kind of my life. I don't have big wild dreams about making the big time. I don't have any idea what that would look or feel like. I don't even know what it is to feel secure. 

You know what I want?

I want Trump out of office. In jail, preferably, but out of office anyway. However, as Chuck D wisely pointed out, Trump is a clown but Pence is a nightmare. At least with the clown, you can see him projecting his blatant moves. Pence hides in the shadows.

I want Medicaid for all.

I want everyone to have what they need. 

Then we can start talking about niceties. 

That's the real deal.



  1. I'm with you in your reality check. I want those things too. And, I hope that in your "real" life, things look up like right away for you. I try when I'm down, to think positively, but sometimes it's soooo hard. Thanks for dropping by my blog and commenting. It always makes my day when I get comments!

    1. Well, they haven't done in close to 55 years, so I'm not expecting it anytime soon. In fact, expecting such things only makes me feel worse. I prefer reality to pipe dreams. The reality is I'm one of those not particularly lucky sorts who got saddled with a body that doesn't work right and a brain that wants to kill her. I honestly don't think I'd know what to do if things suddenly went all Cinderella on me, particularly since I wouldn't trust the guy knocking on my door holding a U.S. size 9 glass shoe any further than I could throw him!

  2. I hope you get your wish and Trump is booted out of office. Know very little about Pence, just like I knew little about Biden when Obama was president. I also hope the US tidies up their healthcare to equal those of us who're lucky enough to live in a country with universal healthcare. I can't imagine anything else.

    I hope your 2020 is awesome, Cie!

    1. Hi Denise,
      Trumpty Dumpty is a giant petulant adolescent obvious clown who has tantrums on Twitter. Pence has been described as The Gentleman Serial Killer, and I think that's quite an apt description of him. He's polished, he comes off as a Kindly Older Gent who Just Wants What's Best. However, What's Best is in reality what's best for his (male) billionaire buddies, and he eats the plebes for lunch with a glass of good wine.
      Unfortunately, universal healthcare seems like a pipe dream to most of us in the U.S. I lived in a town full of bible-thumpin' Satanic Panic believers when I was in high school. When I said that it would be good if the U.S. had "socialized medicine, like Sweden has," I was branded first a socialist (which is accurate), then a communist, then a Devil Worshiper. When I found out, I laughed, because it didn't surprise me at all.
      There are a few people fighting for universal healthcare, but it's an uphill battle. A lot of our elected officials want to keep the plebes downtrodden, and there seem to be a lot of people who want to BE downtrodden. I really don't get that perspective at all.

  3. I do like your dream.
    Trump scares me, but I suspect that Pence would be much more efficient with much the same agenda. Which terrifies me.

    1. Exactly. There would definitely be a cheer in our household if Lord Dampnut were shown the door with a hobnail boot to his backside, but that moment would soon be overshadowed by the worry of what the Gentleman Serial Killer was up to in his secret chamber of terror.


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