Sandcastle Creations


I remember playing in the sandbox as a child
Hands digging into warm orange-golden grains
My sandcastles were, in reality
Nothing but cloddish bucket shapes
But, languishing in my imagination
I saw them as wondrous perpendicular spires
Climbing up and up to dizzy heights
Where a virtuous knight played out his heroic role
In the theatre of my mind

I couldn’t have imagined then
How pedestrian my life would become
No longer able to earn a stable income
I sit before the computer’s typewriter keyboard
Praying that the laconic moments
Will be few and far between
As I attempt to form a story
Of a dashing but broken hero
Through the curtains I see shadows of branches

~Cie~




Notes:
I chose the picture because from the back, at any rate, this is very much what I looked like as a child. There is no way I could have known what would become of me or my life. If that little girl had known what kind of worthless and hideously ugly creature she would become, she wouldn't have wanted to live.

I didn't stay cute for long. Even around six years old, it was becoming apparent that I had a terrible overbite. Two years of braces and that dreadful Martian headgear left me with a crossbite, which doesn't play a part in my appearance, but it is uncomfortable. It also left me with dead nerves in a couple of my front teeth and it couldn't close the gaps between my teeth. I ended up having to get an abscess removed, root canals, and caps on my six top front teeth to hide the remaining gaps and the fact that my left front tooth and left incisor are black from the nerve damage.

Dental veneers can hide how ugly my top front teeth are, but nothing can hide how ugly my face is as a whole, unfortunately. I am not at all a good-looking person, and in a world that is biassed towards a certain type of beauty, it has hurt me very much to be as ugly as I am.

2 comments:

  1. Oh. And oh again.
    Your poem makes my heart ache, for and with you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you.
      In the scheme of things, it doesn't really matter. I'm a big scoop of nothing in a very vast Universe. I find my obsession with my own appearance vain and shallow. My family, however, was big on talking about people's looks, and one of the things I learned early on was that Fat is the very worst thing a person can possibly be with Unpretty being a close second. I am both.

      Delete

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